a radiant bundle of fascinating contradictions

Some scientists believe our brains are in a continual state of war. Writing in LiveScience.com, Bjorn Carey reports that our grey matter is a battleground where competing thoughts and impulses struggle for supremacy, brawling and jousting for our undivided attention. I have reason to believe that this ruckus will be far more pronounced than usual for you in the coming weeks, Virgo. All of your pairs of opposites will intensify their conflict, with each side clamoring and maneuvering to be declared winner. What I recommend may surprise you. I think you should just sit back with amused tolerance and let them fight it out. There really is no pressing need for you to be anything other than a radiant bundle of fascinating contradictions.

add it to the soundtrack...

"Hey There Delilah"
(by the plain white t's)

Hey there Delilah
What's it like in new York city
I'm a thousand miles away
but girl tonight you look so pretty
Yes you do
Time square cant shine as bright as you
I swear its true

Hey there Delilah
Don't you worry about the distance
I'm right there if you get lonely
Give this song another listen
Close your eyes
Listen to my voice its my disguise
I'm by your side

Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
What you do to me

Hey there Delilah
I know times are getting hard
But just believe me girl
Someday I'll pay the bills with this guitar
We'll have it good
We'll have the life we knew we would
My word is good

Hey there Delilah
I've got so much left to say
If every simple song I wrote to you
Would take your breath away
I'd write it all
Even more in love with me you'd fall
We'd have it all

Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me

A thousand miles seems pretty far
But they've got planes and trains and cars
I'd walk to you if I had no other way
Our friends would all make fun of us
and we'll just laugh along because we know
That none of them have felt this way
Delilah I can promise you
That by the time that we get through
The world will never ever be the same
And you're to blame

Hey there Delilah
You be good and don't you miss me
Two more years and you'll be done with school
And I'll be making history like I do
You know it's all because of you
We can do whatever we want to
Hey there Delilah here's to you
This ones for you

Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
What you do to me

magnetic poetry marvel

try always to form art
create music
experiment with an observer
write on every canvas
sculpt life in and about death
compose absurd harmony
scream at her hard
capture some glorious young subject
approach through empty metaphors
make concrete my suffering
(draw this angry model)
smoke me as if she were never there
stroke pain and mount raw passion
smear my impression and sense out the instrument
break our monument fashioned from miasma
and know how they fully imagined it.

einstein's dreams...

"In a world where time cannot be measured, there are no clocks, no calendars, no definite appointments. Events are triggered by other events, not by time. ...In a world where time is a quality, events are record the color of the sky, the tone of the boatman's call on the Aare, the feeling of happiness or fear when a person comes into a room. The birth of a baby, the patent of an invention, the meeting of two people are not fixed points in time, held down by hours and minutes. Instead, events glide through the space of the imagination, materialized by a look, a desire. Likewise, the time between two events is long or short, depending on the background of contrasting events, the intensity of illumination, the degree of light and shadow, the view of the participants."

something in italics...

ah, how to make the most out of this day. waking with a feeling of general ughiness and some more specific heartache, i tumbled out of bed and froze my way to the bus-stop. another day of pizzas and the dictator of pizzeria. another slow day of pizza patrons and an even slower day of tips. after much busy work and grinning and bearing it, i finally made my way out at 4 and headed for the bus home.

hurry up and wait. hurry up and wait.

the convenience of dan's liquor store being situated perfectly between where my bus lets off and where the building i live in is more than a beautiful coincidence.
i stopped by and was delighted to find a bottle of yellow tail shiraz was on sale for just $4.99. with shiraz in hand i thought how perfect it would be if i could pick up my laptop and mosey on in to arturos and sit and enjoy the free wi-fi with my yellowtail. arturo's was more than happy to oblige and so i sit trying to remember how i used to blog. my writing seems so awkward and stiff today.

i really really dig the ambiance here. they just put in works by a new artist, stanislav grezdo and they are quite amazing. very epic with some subtle and some pretty overt religious undertones. nice colors. they really fit well with the whole underground cafe vibe of arturos.

i put 5 dollars in the tip jar since i'm not eating and the lovely man behind the counter pretty much implied that wasn't even necessary and fished up a wine glass for me to drink from which i appreciate seeing as how they don't even sell beer or wine here. i wonder what the holdup is with their TABC application? its been on the window since i moved into my building in september.

se la vie. in this moment i am happy knowing i'm spending my night doing something i love (lord drinking and surfing the web), yet my heart is pressed by the words that were said last night.

she loves me she loves me not.
i love her.
i love her.

not to detract from my previous statement, but i completely love the guy that works here. he just came up to me and said "sorry to bother you, but i was wondering if you could tell me if asia is still considered a continent?" he is doing the statesman's crossword puzzle, and like myself, all in ink. he just wants to make sure. he's cute....hes explaining now to this guy that just walked in that hes new to crosswords and has heard that the more you do them the better you get. couldn't be a statement more true. i remember when i first started working the puzzles out of the dallas morning news 4 years ago...daily commuter and the new york times. the daily being the easier of the two obviously, but i would definitely suggest the statesman's puzzle for any beginner. its kinda crazy how good at them i've gotten, neither of the aforementioned tbree giving me any problems whatsoever on most days. saturday and sunday puzzles can still be pseudo-challenging, i think more-so because they are so much more massive in size.

quantity not quality?

love love love...he just asked what a tram was. i shall teach you the ways of the puzzle my young one.

maybe i should cork the wine.

its funny...people are coming in to check out the artwork. i feel like i'm trapped in a museum of sorts. ghost-town cafe on display.

but yeah...like i was saying...
i love her.

who would have ever guessed this transpiring of events when she and i first crossed paths in january of last year...
well besides corey and those others who witnessed the biting and such with perceptive and future-bound eyes...

god i'm an ass. i just went to the bathroom and ending up solving half of his goddamned puzzle.

this is about her.
her.
her.

if you had a choice of salvaging either a best friend or a girlfriend which would you choose? which heart weighs greater? which words would you miss more from which of the two sides of the girl?

"i love you" and "i love you" are always worth hearing, but are they always the same coming from the lips of a lover and the lips of a friend? does the sentiment remain intact?

its dark now and i can't believe that this time-change still kills me.

spring forward fall back.

fall back.
fall back.
fall back.

against her i am in control, with her so so vulnerable. standing next to her i feel taller than ever...laying beside her, more nervous than a spelling bee contestant in the sixth grade.

i don't know what else to say. i've allowed myself to grow distracted because i don't want to sit here and dwell on this.

she loves me she loves me not.

i love her.
i love her.

finally some pictures of my new place...

the best place i've ever done my business...
a.anderson (2005)

me sittin' on the pot...
a.anderson (2005)

my beautiful stove...captured by the ever-so-cocky-photographer jill
a.anderson (2005)

nods to you monica...

monica...you wanted to know if "being 25 was better than this." well, if "this" is 24....yeah i guess it is. it's hard to say if i'm getting better and things are getting better, or if i'm just settling in to things being in a state of anti-climactic. 25 seems to plateau...but in a comforting kind of way. but then again, i'm feeling antsy. i'll never settle down. i'm destined to be gina winding her way through the aisles after a shift at fresh plus. (finally graduating at 30) rounders is treating me well. i could be happier financially i'm sure, but the man still keeps me down. when he doesn't i'll let you know.

i take pleasure in the simple things. walking to waterloo and buying two tickets for modest mouse after work. coming home to the bottle of shiraz jill and i didn't finish last night. eating bacon.

eating lots and lots of bacon.

i pray that this sodium kick is only in effect because my monthly visitor is here. welcome welcome monthly friend.

going to the queer hip-hop show tonight. after the tuna helpers play...sounds like fun. a week of music and debauchery.

p.s. to everyone living in austin....adam just put a frogger console video game in at rounders...it rocks! head to head frogger! and thanks to my wonderful suggestion a keg of shiner heffe-weizen shall arrive tomorrow. six dollar pitchers as it will be the draft of the week! come one come all for cheap tex-german beer and ms. pac-man, galaga, and FROGGER! oh yes and boys favorite, TRON!

see you all soon, and monica----call me already!


p.p.s....i love you sweetie-dear leukemia girl.

ROUNDERS in HI-Def!

adam is installing the new plasma tv today at work---he is like a kid at christmas. his friends are coming in to ogle it. beer is being drunk. i love this job. i really really do. i love working for a man who is not the man.